Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
