TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
