Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
