so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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