Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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