apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
