You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
