i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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