you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
