Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
