I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
