I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize