you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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