Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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