doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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