I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
