A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You ruined the universe
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
