I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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