I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
