so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
