VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
