loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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