i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
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