Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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