he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
