i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
nutella sex= disaster
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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