I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You made out with two different species that night
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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