I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
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That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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