What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
