since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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