Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
