Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
