just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
