Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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