Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
