Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
