I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
