don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize