How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
