How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Porn is love you can see.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
