Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Randomize
