just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
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She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
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He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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