I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
