Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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