you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
