if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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