A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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