your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
