Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
