Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
