TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
