i barfeds in our rink
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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