It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
