3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I CAN MOONWALK!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
