Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
