Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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