i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
