if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
