I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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