ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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