i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
