just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
