I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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