dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think im in europe. pls send help
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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