My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
