end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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