pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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