just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
