after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
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we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
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And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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