i just google imaged poop.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
