I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
