If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
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There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
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Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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