I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
