At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
