yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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