I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
