I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
