I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
