dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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