I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize