ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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