oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Success! We fucked roommates!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
