All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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