I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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