don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
