You made me cry and you don't even care
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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